I found this email in my inbox this morning*:

Subject: Please contact me if you would like to be my Job Recruiter

Greetings Recruiters,

Sextant by stebulus via flickr

My name is John Doe and I am looking for a Sales Manager/Director position in “Some” County, Idaho. Please email me at johndoe4hire@geemail.com or call me at 555-555-5555

Thank you and I look forward to hearing from you.

John Doe

555-555-5555

(*Information fictionalized to protect identity.)

I will give John kudos for blind CCing all the recipients. But it does make me wonder how many others received the opportunity to “be his job recruiter.”

I’ve written about asking for assistance during a search, here and here. (Read those too.) Following is a portion of what I responded to John, adding to my (unfortunately) growing collection of “don’t do this” job search posts:

Hi John -

I appreciate the contact. However I am not a recruiter. I am a career strategist, producing compelling, interview-landing resumes.

(Know your audience. Group email? No clue what I do for a living? Don’t I feel special? Ya. Let me hop right on helping … although I did.)

I’d be happy to take a look at your existing career documents to ensure they are up to competing in a 2012 job search. I offer a brief general impression at no charge or obligation.

(Since he’d made contact with me, why not take a moment to mention my services and offer an opportunity for engagement. As I’m prone to do, I went a step further and “stuck my nose all up in his bidness” in an attempt to help with his job search success – whether I heard from him again or not. I continued …)

And if you don’t mind a bit of unsolicited guidance. I am a former recruiter. To be boldly honest, there is very little chance, when I was recruiting that I would have done more with this type of email than hit the delete button.

Recruiters find people for jobs. They don’t find jobs for people. And, they frequently segment into specific niched industries, working with national and international clients. (My niche was the lighting industry).

This correspondence gives no indication as to the industry in question. And it gives no indication of what value you bring to “me”, as a recruiter, or what value and benefit you bring to “my” client, the hiring company. The message in this email does nothing other than ask a complete stranger to “do something” (call or email) without any indication about what’s in it for them. In today’s market, with the current unemployment rate, it’s an “all about them job market.” {“What can you (the candidate) do for me (the employer – or in this case, the employer’s representative)?}

When I was a recruiter I’d frequently come into the office to find more than 300 emails had arrived overnight. Considering the sheer volume of information to plough through on any given day, the individual who clearly succinctly conveyed value and projected current skills into targeted positions, matching my open job orders, caught my attention. Those applying a shotgun approach to job search or asking for a “favor” without any indication of the value they brought were dumped into the applicant database or worse, quickly deleted.

Will I ever hear from John again? I don’t know. Regardless, I do hope he at least ponders what I said.

PS: The irony to this story is John’s job target: Sales Manager/Director

No (successful) salesperson on this planet would walk up to a potential customer and say, “I need commissions so you need to call me and place an order.” Even a non-salesperson knows that approach doesn’t work. Yet here is a potential sales manager or director doing the equivalent of just that. (“I’m for hire; call me.” “I need a job; call me.”)

Talk about missing a stellar opportunity to demonstrate salesmanship. This almost throws his sales prowess and expertise into question from the first contact. If he doesn’t call me, I do hope he finds someone to help him navigate the treacherous waters of job search 2012. Right now, he doesn’t even have a sextant and is trying to compete in a market requiring a high-tech, finely-tuned GPS.

A few weeks ago I received an invitation to connect on LinkedIn. It read:

“What advice do you have for me as a teacher who is transitioning into technology? Please connect with me on LinkedIn. Touch a life and make a world of difference.
Thank you
[name withheld]“

I did not recognize the name. I belong to several job search and career groups on LinkedIn. The LinkedIn header indicated we were members of the same job search group. I honestly don’t participate in LinkedIn discussion groups like I “should.” I pop in occasionally answer a question and “disappear” until I spot something else I can and have time to answer. To the best of my recollection, I’ve never dropped into this particular group.

Photo by Seafarer via Flickr

So. Let’s take another look at that request from a complete stranger again. There was no “this is how we know each other” introduction. There wasn’t an “I follow you on Twitter” common ground moment. No mention was made of an article or blog post I’d written. None of that; only the “What do you have for me?” opening. If this were an in-person meeting, in essence, this person walked up, extended a hand and said, “Gimme, gimme, gimme.”

I shrugged my shoulders at the lack of “social” in this social media connection and overlooked the me-centric approach to job search and career management. I, sadly, see things like this every day. Rather than delete the inquiry with an eye roll, the business person and coach in me kicked in and I decided to respond. This could be a potential client. And even if this person didn’t end up using my services, I had a little time to offer some insight and help a stranger … in spite of a rather abrupt request.

I spent the next 45 minutes or so crafting a thoughtful response. I looked up and included the link to a blog post I had written about the topic to offer further insight. I put a lot of time into “stranger request” responses because they may be a client prospect and while I want to help; I also want to live indoors and eat regularly. In my eyes, I’m “interviewing” with a potential client every time I respond to one of these requests. I do not take the advice I give or the way I give it lightly.

I hit send on the email. A few hours later, the person responded:

“Love it. Looks like my storage unit of school teacher stuff. I joined _____ & _____’s career beta committee so I can computerize everything and reinvent my future. My future as a microsoft office trainer.
Thank you
[name withheld]“

(The “love it” refers to the picture of clutter in the blog post link I sent.)

The individual commented on the blog picture and went on to tell me about a free site they had joined to facilitate the career change they desired and stated their career goal with conviction. There was a thank you at the end. There was no mention of the information I’d provided – good, bad or indifferent.

Sure, they got the information they needed for right now, but at what cost. Call me an old curmudgeon, but to be quite blunt, after this exchange, I’ll be hard pressed to answer any more of their questions with much more than, “That’s a rather large question. I offer job search coaching at an hourly rate.” Multiply that response by the rest of this person’s network and they’ll see information and connection resources dry up quickly. “I need, I want, give me” message wear thin quickly.

In my heart, I know this person is excited about their career decision and is gathering every known resource to facilitate that change. They meant no harm. They have no clue as to how me-centric their message sounds. However, during this innocuous exchange, from my perspective, all I heard was “me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me.” (Wonder what a hiring authority will hear when they launch their search ….)

Opening the requests with a smidge of flattery or at least some information about why/how we’re connected or why they’re coming to me for help would have been a great ice breaker. And, at the end of it all, taking a moment to offer something back in return would have been nice too.

“Thank you for taking the time to respond. You’ve given me food for thought. Let me know if I can help with your future endeavors.”

I frequently tell resume clients to “step to the other side of the desk” and hear what they’re saying (read what they’re writing) from the perspective of someone who doesn’t know or care about them and doesn’t have intimate details regarding their career. Very often, taking an objective step back, they’re stunned by the tone and tenor of their communication, the assumptive stance they take and the incorrect way things can be perceived without important details.

Hopefully, in future connections, my LinkedIn correspondent will read and think about what they say and how they say it before they hit send. All take and no give does not build a network.

(Note, name and gender omitted to protect identity.)

There it is. The KISS snowglobe

On July 29th, 2010, I glanced at my left hand and noticed, to my horror, the main stone, a marquis-cut sapphire, in my engagement ring was gone. The day was my 11th wedding anniversary. (Gotta love the irony.) My husband and I checked into replacing the stone, but opted to put the purchase on hold for a while.

This past Saturday, we decided to revisit replacing the stone. In preparation, we dug in drawers and old jewelry boxes.  We gathered a small pile of “scrap” gold and sterling silver jewelry and headed to the jewelry store.

We waited for the next available appraiser. Shannon called us to her office. We chatted while she sorted the things of value from the “this looks ‘fishy,’ let me test it further” pieces. While sorting through the silver, she noticed a dachshund pin and asked if we had pets. She shared she had two cats named Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley. My husband, a musician himself, grinned and said, “So you like KISS?”

She stopped what she was doing, leaned in and grinning from ear-to-ear shared she LOVED them. She went on to tell us her entire house was very conservative and “plaid.” Plaid that is until the splash of KISS. Plaid. Plaid. KISS. We had quite a laugh together; it was nice to see her “other side.” (She has a picture of her and Gene Simmons on her phone. We’re talking serious fan. Love it!)

She continued working on our appraisal. My husband asked if she had ever seen a KISS snow globe.

Several years ago we somehow became the “proud” owners of a KISS snow globe (neither of us really remembers how it came to be ours, which is somehow fitting. ) To say it was my least favorite “objet d’art” in the house would be an understatement.

Shannon “lit up” when she heard the words “KISS snow globe.” My husband glanced at me, and in the unspoken language of love between married people, my glance back said, “GET THAT THING OUT OF THE HOUSE.” He turned to Shannon and said, “We have one. We’d love for you to have it.” She almost burst with excitement.

Seriously. Can you blame me?

Today, the KISS snow globe goes to a new home. Shannon joked she was going to build a shrine for it. Part of me believes her. LOL. I’m thrilled it’s gone. She’s thrilled to have it. We’re all thrilled we met each other.

And there’s the job search lesson in this story. A simple conversation led to good things all around. Think about it. There are lots of jewelry stores in the Wilmington area. We went to that one. There are five appraisers on staff at that store. We happened to be paired with the one appraiser who likes KISS. There happened to be a piece of animal shaped jewelry in the mix, sparking the conversation about pets. My husband happened to recognize the correlation between her cat’s names and KISS. And now because of all that happenstance, we all happen to be happy.

I tell clients, “You never know, who knows, who knows, who, who can help get you a job.” Substitute golf or sports or quilting or painting for the “pets” segue in our conversation and substitute employment opportunity for “new home for the KISS snow globe” opportunity. You can see how chance, unexpected, unplanned meetings can lead to something completely unrelated to the original goal, yet equally or additionally wonderful.

Networking doesn’t have to be anything formal or planned. It’s not confined just to job search either. Traveling though life, open to opportunities to give frequently and take occasionally, provides a nice foundation for strong, life-long connections. We may not have dinner with Shannon every week, if ever, but if there’s a need for our paths to cross again, we’ve established trust and can add to the foundation our first serendipitous exchange started.

PS – While the appraisal didn’t completely cover the replacement cost of the stone, it brought it within reach. I’m excited to be able to wear my ring again. I only have to wait two weeks.

Happy to be "heading" to a new home.

UPDATE: 10-12-11: I picked up my ring and delivered Shannon’s snow globe today. A crazy period of unscheduled illness and schedule vacation prevented the exchange before now. She is thrilled with her globe. I am thrilled to have my wedding set back on my left hand where it belongs. A good day all around!

The snow globe and its new owner, Shannon (Click on the picture for her full bio)

Career Collective post: Once a month, a group of career professionals blog on a subject topical and timely for a job seeker. We’ll post our thoughts on our own blog and link to the post of our colleagues on the same topic.

This month’s topic: Social media – how to use it in a job search, how to get started, do’s and don’ts.

Responses from others contributors linked at the end. Follow the hashtag #CareerCollective on Twitter.

via Flickr by Rodriago

I don’t know about you, but part of my ability to learn new things comes through understanding the “why” behind a given task or project. I better visualize the steps needed to reach the goal when I know why I’m doing something. I want to understand the end benefit. My personal need leads me to share with you the whys behind why you want (dare I say, need) to incorporate social media into your job search and career growth strategy.

So, you’ve set up your LinkedIn profile. You’ve sent your first tweet through Twitter. You’ve cleaned up your Facebook page. You’ve identified blogs relevant to your industry. You’ve found places like-minded professionals congregate on the web. You’ve personalized LinkedIn invitations. You’ve dipped your toe in the vast social media ocean and now … you sit back and wonder what’s the point of it all?

If you want in-depth information about social media and how it relates to your job search and your career, I cannot recommend strongly enough Miriam Salpeter’s (one of the Career Collective founders) book, Social Networking for Career Success and The Twitter Job Search Guide by Susan Whitcomb, Chandlee Bryan and Deb Dib. (Full disclosure: I made small contributions to both books, but even if I weren’t part of them, I’d still recommend them.) They’re written by and collected from career industry leaders and the collective wisdom leaves no stone unturned when it comes to social media. Both books share Twitter handles and other contact information from the contributors for ongoing career education. Reading all the posts in this month’s Career Collective will support that education too. (I know I’ll learn something new!)

via Flickr by checkrecordsdotcom

Well. You’ve friended, followed, linked and connected across the Internet. You’re commenting here, liking things there and RTing things over yonder. But remember, social media is a only tool used in building you network. It’s not the end goal. Building your network and forging relationships is. And as I’ve said repeatedly, networking isn’t asking someone you’ve not see in years, “Can you find me a job?” Networking is meeting individuals, in all parts of your life – personal and professional – and offering support to each other as you travel through life. Social media is a tool to start the process – an important tool in sustaining a deep, broad, far-reaching and eclectic network.

A mutual following on Twitter may lead to off-line direct messages (DMs) where you deepen the connection. The DM may lead to an exchange of email addresses encouraging longer conversations. Those emails could lead to phone conversations where real-time interaction offers an opportunity to exchange information. And, in some instances, casual connections cement into in-person camaraderie. But remember, clicking a button does not a friend make. As with anything worth having, it takes effort.

Rather than offer theory behind the whys of using this important tool, here are some personal examples (in no particular order) how social media helped expand my own network and strengthen my career. I’m a solopreneur. I spend the bulk of any workday alone in my home office. The one thing I missed (notice past tense) about being in a corporate setting was bouncing ideas and situations off colleagues; learning and formulating strategy from their wisdom. Social media connections have filled that void in ways I never imagined.

1. I received an email from a past client the other evening. I was 99% sure of the correct response, but needed affirmation. I opened Twitter, sent an “Are you there?” DM to a colleague (after “normal” business hours, mind you). I shared my concern and remedy idea with her. She offered some insight and voila. Problem solved, in consort with someone I did not know prior to meeting on Twitter.

2. My phone rang the other evening. It was a colleague I’d met through a professional organization (don’t forget their value when networking) and strengthened the relationship through Twitter. She wanted to look at the pros and cons of how to handle a business situation. We talked and both learned something through the exchange.

3. A friend of a friend friended me on Facebook (Say THAT three times fast. ). We’d never met before. We both were starting to learn about and have an interest in social media and everything surrounding it. We shared emerging technology “finds” and a close, in-person friendship blossomed. Added bonus: She’s opened the door to many local acquaintances I probably would not have met otherwise, in turn, sending a little business my way.

4. A person I’ve not heard from in many years found me on LinkedIn. We’re slowly reviving our friendship and now, we’re both resources the other can use professionally.

5. I met a newspaper reporter several years ago when she wrote a feature article about me. (Still makes me smile.) I met her initially because I was volunteering (another great way to network) with an animal rescue group. We started out with an in-person relationship and now use social media and email to keep that relationship strong between lunches and business functions.

via Flickr by greentechmedia

6. I’ve been asked to contribute to career books, blog-talk-radio shows and teleseminars, multiple times, because of relationships springing from social media contact.

I know I could give 100 more examples, but you get the idea. You’ll notice none of these examples contained the word job search. Yet each of these newly-found, revived and sustained relationships enhanced my career and broadened my horizons – and vice versa for the connection. Now, were I to launch a job search, look at the resources I’ve already cultivated to support that search. We’ve had give-and-take along the way so there’s no “creepiness” in asking for help. By now, it’s an inherent part of the relationship. And it’s all due to incorporating social media into my networking.

Is social media the “only” way to conduct a job search and enhance your career? Absolutely NOT. But, as you can see, it is an effective method to nurture and grow your support network. Next time you’re sitting wondering “What’s the point?” Think about benefits all participants in social media networks garner from all these interactions. In this day and age, no one has to go it alone.

If you need more Twitter benefit examples, they’re here.

Here’s what my colleagues have to say:

Make Your Career More Social: Show Up and Engage, @WalterAkana,

You 2.0: The Brave New World of Social Media and Online Job Searches, @dawnrasmussen

How to Get a New Job Using Social Media, @DebraWheatman

Social Media: Choosing, Using, and Confusing, @ErinKennedyCPRW

How to Use Social Media in Your Job Search, @heatherhuhman

Updating: A Social Media Strategy For Job Search, @TimsStrategy

Your Career Needs Social Media – Get Started, @EliteResumes @MartinBuckland

We Get By With a Little Recs from Our Friends, @chandlee

Expat Careers & Social Media: Social Media is Potentially 6 Times more Influential than a CV or Resume, @expatcoachmegan

Social-Media Tools and Resources to Maximize Your Personalized Job Search, @KatCareerGal

Job Search and Social Media: A Collective Approach, @careersherpa

How Having Your Own Website Helps You, @keppie_careers

Social Media: So what’s the point?, @DawnBugni

Tools that change your world, @WorkWithIllness

HOW TO: Meet People IRL via LinkedIn, @AvidCareerist

Effective Web 2.0 Job Search: Top 5 Secrets, @resumeservice

Jumping Into the Social Media Sea @ValueIntoWords

Sink or Swim in Social Media, @KCCareerCoach

Social Media Primer for Job Seekers, @LaurieBerenson

I worked in the yard this past weekend. Truth be told, a well-manicured lawn and perfect landscaping hasn’t been a priority for many years. Combine five dogs and two growing businesses (up until 2009) with country living and no homeowners association to tell me weed whack and it got a little shaggy around the edges. I’ve learned; if you don’t’ get in control early in spring; forget it. The weeds win.

This year, I found a neighbor wanting to earn a little extra cash and willing to help get things under control. Looking at what he’s done, and what he’s inspired me to do, in the past six weeks, it appears the weeds may lose this year. (YAY!) Going through the process of trimming trees, cutting back overgrown gardens and weeding around neglected perennials made me think about how many times, when writing about networking, I say, “You have to nurture and cultivate your network.” Puttering about the yard brought to mind other career-long networking and gardening parallels.

Neglected doesn’t mean dead.
As we cut back weeds and thinned branches, I was struck by how many plants survived and even thrived on neglect. I was more amazed, how, after a little TLC, the previously neglected flora exploded into vigorous growth. These plants don’t need constant tending, but checking in occasionally will help them thrive.

While developing and expanding your personal and professional network, poke around. You’ll be surprised how many neglected relationships will spring back to life with a little attention. These relationships don’t need constant tending, but checking in occasionally will help them thrive. (Sound familiar?)

Forgotten doesn’t mean gone.
Digging around in a long-overgrown rose garden, my husband found our hippopotamus stepping stone. I’d forgotten about it. Horatio (doesn’t everyone name their stepping stones?) “lived” out in the field amongst the weeds forgotten, but still there. I was thrilled with our “find.” He now lives at the primary entrance to the house and makes me smile.

Digging around in old files, often uncovers past acquaintances; someone who might be wonderful support in your search or your career. Uncovering and reconnecting with forgotten pieces of your network is sure to make to you smile AND could be your stepping stone on the path to opportunity.

Sometimes gone is gone.
Surprised by what survived; I was still saddened by what I’d lost to neglect – antique irises, rosemary, rose bushes, a re-seeding bed of chives. They’re gone. I let them slip away. Best thing about a garden though, I can replant and start over how, when and if I choose.

The same holds true for networks. If you left network connections behind and attempts to revive are fruitless, know you can begin again with the next social media account, networking event or social gathering. Networks, like gardens change, grow, die down, come back with time. Cultivate accordingly.

Things change.
When my first husband and I moved here more than 20 years ago, getting up, gulping down a cup of coffee and spending weekends primping and pruning a huge yard (part of a 10-acre organic farm) was no big deal. This past weekend, after only a few hours of digging, weeding and hauling, I. thought. I. was. going. to. die. I adjusted my methodology, incorporated tools and accepted things change with time.

The tools available to job seekers and careerists today are different than they were a mere five years ago. Methodologies, markets and industry trends change. Assessing needs, adopting new technology and incorporating the old yields a deep and rich network. Successful gardeners and successful networkers adapt.

Now, pulling into a more cared for, nurtured yard is rewarding. It’s still a work in progress, but some input, some reconnecting, some attention is starting to transform things. Networking, when done correctly is a work in progress too. Add and cultivate network connections throughout your career. You never know who you can help or who can help you. In the end, the support and enjoyment far outweighs the effort. Oh, and don’t overlook the power of a partner in your quest.

Relax … networking, like gardening is really all about reconnecting with old friends.

Career Collective post: Once a month, a group of career professionals blog on a subject topical and timely for a job seeker. We’ll post our thoughts on our own blog and link to the post of our colleagues on the same topic.

This month’s topic: Things job seekers should keep an eye on in 2011 (trends/tools/hiring practices)

Responses from others contributors linked at the end. Follow the hashtag #CareerCollective on Twitter.

A few weeks ago on Twitter, Kim Woodbridge (@KWBridge on Twitter and my brilliant WordPress support person) tweeted this user-name-availability site. I follow Kim on Twitter not only because she has a wicked sense of humor, but also because she’s a great resource for all things web. When I followed the link, I thought I’d find perhaps 20-30 sites. Instead I found four columns listing 37 sites each for a grand total of 148 potential places to interact with other online.

I was astounded. This list, while certainly extensive, doesn’t even touch on the thousands of interaction opportunities in smaller niched communities. We do love our social media.

I did a quick calculation. Taking 10 minutes to put up a profile on each on the 148 sites listed would take almost 25 hours. Of course, a user probably wouldn’t sign up for all those sites, but you can see how easily online networking can become a major focus just from the sheer enormity of opportunities.

True. A positive online presence serves you well in a job search and a career. And well-managed time invested in building an online network is worth it. However, the depth and breadth of long-term relationships and solid professional networks comes from layering in one-on-one personal interactions and multiple communication methods.

Networking into a new position certainly isn’t a new trend for 2011, but certainly is one to be watched and used. With all the new tools and resources emerging via social media, it’s important to remember to mix up methods. Pick up the phone and call. Send an unexpected email. Or perhaps, dash off the occasional, snail-mailed, hand-written note.

In today’s job market your network, your mentors and your skills must be portable as you shape your career. Give to, care for and keep your network robust so it’s there when you need it for support.

I won’t tell you how to network in this post. I’ve written on that topic several times before and Googling brings back literally millions of articles covering that topic. Networking is about building relationships and helping each other (AKA: friendship.)

I will tell you how memorable (and fun) it is to answer the phone and have someone I met online or haven’t heard from in ages on the other end. Bottom line: If all the “kids” are bonding virtually, be sure to set yourself apart with some old-fashioned telephone conversations and friendly emails. This market is all about differentiation.

Here’s what my colleagues have to say:

Social Media Recruiting to Grow Further in 2011, @debrawheatman

Another Year, Another Job Search Begins, @GayleHoward

In 2011, Increase Your Prospects With Better Differentiation, @WalterAkana

4 Lessons Learned From Job Search in 2010, @Careersherpa

Your Career Action Plan for the New Year, @KatCareerGal

Trends Job Seekers Should Look For in 2011, @erinkennedycprw

Things Every Job Seeker Should be Thinking About in 2011, @expatcoachmegan

Let your presence be known or send out a red flag, @MartinBuckland @EliteResumes

How to find a job in 2011: Pay attention to emotional intelligence, @Keppie_Careers

2011 Employment Trends Supercharged with Twitter, @KCCareerCoach

3 Traits for Facing Weather, Employment and Chronic Illness, @WorkWithIllness

Everything old is new again @DawnBugni

Career Trend 2011: Accountability + Possibility = Sustainability, @ValueIntoWords

Career Tools to Check Out in 2011, @barbarasafani

What Was in 2010, What To Expect in 2011, @chandlee

The Future of Job Search: 3 Predictions and 2 Wishes, @JobHuntOrg

This past Saturday night I attended my 35-year high school reunion – Millbrook High School in Raleigh, NC. The organizers picked a wonderful venue, food was plentiful and we had a decent turnout. Considering, more than 25 years passed since I last attended a reunion this was going to be a true test of (an aging) memory and an opportunity to practice what I preach about networking.

Yes. That's my senior picture. BTW: Our class slogan was -- '75 don't take no jive.

Being an introvert, large crowds drain me (as evidenced by the two naps I took on Sunday), but I was determined to catch up with as many people as I could during the event. My darling husband assured me he’d be fine and encouraged me to go mingle. Being an extrovert, he was in his element. He’s never met a stranger so I sallied forth leaving him to make his way as I conquered my own apprehensions. Truth be told, I would have been fine hanging with him all night, but that defeated the purpose of going.

What I found is (like this is going to be a huge revelation) networking is difficult and takes effort, lots of effort – especially when starting with little common ground, other than a shared experience 35 years ago. When I go to local TweetUps, attendees have Twitter and a love of social media in common. When I went to the Career Management Alliance (CMA) conference earlier this year, participants shared a professional and a membership bond. When I manned volunteer booths for animal rescue organizations, it was easy to talk with complete strangers about animals. While each of these examples demonstrates networking opportunities, they come with an inherent commonality absent from a class reunion.

We are the Wildcats. The mighty, mighty Wildcats.

We have a wonderful alumni site for our class and many of us reconnected via Facebook in the past few years, but other than those few connections, we were all flying pretty much blind as to what we had in common any more. Armed with what I know about networking, I met my classmates with a firm handshake or a big hug and made a point of putting the focus on the person I was meeting.

It was interesting. Some people followed my lead and mirrored back the questions I was asking making for a nice exchange. Others launched into an autobiography, complete with pictures which was also fun. Others answered with a basic yes/ no responses making it like “pulling hen’s teeth” to keep the conversation going. Don’t get me wrong. I enjoyed every conversation and don’t share this to pick on any one approach. It was absolutely marvelous catching up – regardless the conversation style. But, I looked at things through a career professional’s eyes. I had the opportunity to experience unfamiliar networking waters first hand. After all, I “preach the gospel” of networking. I should dive into the deep end once in awhile too. And perhaps some of what I learned could help my clients and my blog readers.

You’d think in a room full of 50-somethings, with wonderful lives and stories to tell, there would be no trouble with small talk. And with all the information out there about meeting people and networking, at our age, we’d all know what to do. What I found was just the opposite. It’s uncomfortable in the incipient stage of the conversation – regardless age, background, accomplishments or in my case, networking knowledge. I was as nervous approaching people as I’m sure they were about approaching me. I kept the conversation rolling by asking about jobs, children, current location or was honest in sharing, “I really don’t remember you from high school anymore than you remember me, but isn’t this a great party?”

Once we’d broken the ice, things got easier. But those first tentative syllables were excruciating for the majority of us. Why do I share this story with you? To let you know it’s OK to be a bit apprehensive and uncomfortable when you’re out meeting a group of strangers. (I was, and I write about and coach clients in networking frequently.) And also to let you know, after the first few encounters, it does get easier and you will become braver. But, most importantly, I want to let you know, there are very few people out there who are gifted or even knowledgeable in the art of small talk. We’re all a bit intimidated by the prospect of approaching a stranger and striking up a conversation. You are not alone. Armed with a little networking knowledge you’ve already differentiated yourself from the rest crowd and can now help you put others at ease – a winning proposition for your next event.

I discovered a few other things on Saturday night too:

People you didn’t think would remember you, did.
People you thought (hoped?) would remember you, didn’t.
Things you did in high school you thought, at the time, were memorable, weren’t.
Things you did in high school and forgot were remembered.

Transitioning that information into a networking lesson: never underestimate the power of a simple gesture and don’t think you’re “all that” either. So get out there. Be interesting. Be interested. You never know what connection you’ll make, what memory will be stirred or what common ground you’ll uncover, just by extending your hand.

Career Collective post: Once every month or so, a group of career professionals blog on a subject topical and timely for a job seeker. We’ll post our thoughts on our own blog and link to the post of our colleagues on the same topic.

This month’s topic: “Networking.” Responses from others contributors are linked at the end. Search the hashtag #CareerCollective on Twitter.

Networking. The mere mention of the word strikes terror in the hearts of even the most seasoned professionals. For some reason, the thought of connecting with fellow human beings has become more like something we have to do, instead of something that happens naturally. What used to be pleasant conversation and sharing morphed into to-do list entries and deadlines. We set specific dates and list relevant topics for planned contact. We make detail notes regarding outcome. We schedule the next contact. Whew. Sounds like work.

True. Everything works better with a plan. And there’s nothing wrong with contact management systems, especially when incorporated into a job search. But networks and connections aren’t just for job search. Get caught up in the busy-ness of business and life and risk missing important supports and resources. Isn’t networking another word for “staying in touch”? Focus on being a supportive friend and business associate. Share – ideas, training opportunities, business articles, hobby-related information, recipes, a quick hello – whatever may interest your contacts and watch your network grow. Stop fretting so much about the concept of networking and start cultivating relationships – a solid network sprouts from thoughtful, considerate contact.

Recently, two clients, independent of the other, shared networking stories with me. Both clients experienced the power a network they didn’t “intentionally” engage. First is Albert. Albert recently completed his master’s degree in psychology. He’s been considering different career paths ever since graduation. Albert remains, after all these years, connected to a childhood friend, Fred. While Albert and Fred now live in different states, they make time for occasional catch-up phone calls. During a recent call Albert mentioned his latest career options to his friend, as part of the overall update, not in a “help me find a job” context at all. Fred’s father has known Albert since childhood and always welcomes his son’s updates after a phone conversation with his old friend. Fred shared Albert’s most recent academic accomplishment. Fred’s dad said, “Gee, I was golfing with a friend the other day who can use someone with just that background …” Albert flew out for an interview this past Thursday.

Candice attended an industry conference a few months ago. She ran into a former colleague, Les. They’d touched base over the years, but it was nice to have a face-to-face opportunity to connect. They quickly shared life and career highlights and drifted back to conference sessions. Several months later, Candice’s phone rang. It was Les. Les had a conversation with another industry associate. That associated needed Candice’s skill set to launch a new program. Candice flew out last Tuesday to interview for the position.

Both clients enjoyed the conversation with old friends. Both conversations, inadvertently led to career opportunities. Both interviews came about because of a casual conversation. Neither position was advertised. Both positions were “perfect” for the respective client. Albert and Candice were the first, and hopefully only candidates, interviewed. They entered the interview knowing their contacts “pre-sold” their skill set giving them an unsolicited, enthusiastic endorsement. Both opportunities emerged because of an effort to stay in touch.

Absolutely, plan your work, work your plan, attend networking events, keep your online presence clean and up-to-date. That’s all important too. But don’t forget to sit back. Sip some lemonade on the porch with a neighbor. Email an old friend. Connect. You never know where you’ll find that next opportunity. There … doesn’t networking sound like a bit more fun?

Here’s what my colleagues have to say:

5 Little Secrets About Networking, @Careersherpa

Networking: Easy as 1, 2 , 3, @WorkWithIllness

How to Take the Intimidation Out of Networking, @heathermundell

Networking for the Shy and Introverted, @KatCareerGal

A tale of two networkers, @DawnBugni

Introvert or Extrovert: Tips for the Job Search No Matter Which ‘Vert’ You Are, @erinkennedycprw

Networking for Job Candidates Who Hate Networking, @heatherhuhman

Networking? Ugh! @resumeservice

Network, Network, Network, @MartinBuckland @EliteResumes

3 ways to make networking fun for introverts and extroverts, @Keppie_Careers

Grow Your Career Networking Seeds Organically, @ValueIntoWords

Networking: It’s a Way of Life, @WalterAkana

Social Media Networking & Your Career, @GayleHoward

Networking: Why who you know doesn’t count, @Chandlee

Networking for the Networking-Phobic, @JobHuntOrg

I was going to title this, “It’s a small world after all”, but then “that song” would be stuck in our heads all day and I didn’t want to do that to us.

I’m reading Malcolm Gladwell’s The Tipping Point. In it he recounts Stanley Milgram’s small world experiment, the original study about six-degrees of separation. (Which of course lead to the Kevin Bacon’s six degrees of separation game … but I digress.) This experiment really drives home how we all are connected and this story puts a personal spin on how.

When I first started interacting on Twitter, I retweeted J.T. O’Donnell, founder of Careerealism frequently. She thanked me, a conversation ensued and eventually she asked if I’d like to contribute to an upcoming article about resume writing. I happily agreed and contributed to “Hate Resume Writing? Here’s how to get it done” last March. Careerealism is based, I believe, in New Hampshire

In early June, following publication of that article, my phone rang. It was a young woman from Atlanta. “Mary” said she read the article on Careerealism, liked what I had to say and decided she wanted me to write her resume for her. Remember, she’s in Atlanta, GA.

The Saturday morning, after I delivered “Mary’s” documents, I got an email from a friend on Facebook. This particular person is the reason I’m on Facebook at all. She’s a long-lost friend from high school and sent an invitation to reconnect via Facebook way back when I was on dial-up. (You’ve not experienced Facebook until you’ve experienced it on a dial-up connection.) I dipped my toe in social media, thanks to Renee, and have been happily immersed ever since.

Renee is in Raleigh, NC. I’m in Atkinson, about 2 hours south, (outside Wilmington, NC). In this message, she shared an interesting dinner conversation from a family gathering the night before. Her husband’s cousin was visiting from Atlanta. She was recounting her recent move to the Atlanta area and subsequent job search. She told them she’d even hired a professional resume writer. My friend Renee mentioned she went to high school with someone who became a resume writer and asked who wrote the resume. Renee’s cousin-in-law said she found her writer through the Careerealism site and her name was Dawn. What?

Turns out Renee’s cousin-in-law is “Mary”, my client from earlier in the week. I was not only Renee’s high school friend turned resume writer; I was Mary’s resume writer, located through a Web site based in New Hampshire. What a happy coincidence. Because I accepted a Facebook invitation a few years ago, I developed a passion for social media. That involvement led to contributing to the Careeralism article. The article caught the interest of an Atlanta-based client. Later, we found the client was connected to the person who sent that original Facebook invitation.

Tell me it’s not a small world. The next time you think social media, networking and reconnecting with old friends is a waste of time, think again. The connections didn’t happen overnight. But because I was there, willing to participate, I expanded my reach, met new clients and colleagues and re-established conversations with old ones. We’re really not that far apart. And with all this closeness, you can easily see the power of a network.

It’s early New Year’s Eve, the last day of 2009. I just tweeted this:

“One of my favorite things about 2009 … all my Twitter friends. You guys gave me more than you’ll ever know. Thank you! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!”

And it’s true. I can trace a good bit of the wonderfulness of 2009 back to Twitter – the people I’ve met, the relationships I’ve forged. I signed-up for Twitter out of curiosity. As a professional, it’s important I stay current on emerging trends. Twitter is such a powerful networking tool, it’s important I know about it so I can help my clients understand social media in a job search. I had no idea what I would discover when I first created @DawnBugni on Twitter. Now, a little more than a year later one of my best professional network resides in Twitter and personal friendships have blossomed. 

Back in September, A member of the Professional Association of Resume Writer’s (PARW) posed a question about Internet privacy in general and Twitter in particular on our elist. This is how I responded to her.

“Sue -

“I’ll be the very first to admit I am a Twitter addict, a serious Twitter addict. 
 
I’ve met incredible people via Twitter and social media.

* I’ve had real life conversations with several Twitter Tweeps (contacts) and learned sooooo much from those phone calls.
* I have been given countless opportunities I would never have known existed were it not for Twitter interactions.
* I’ve engaged five clients so far by tweeting job search advice and having people reach out to me because they liked a bit of advice I offered.
* I read daily what recruiters and HR managers have to say via their tweets and their blog posts making me wiser for my clients.
* I’ve tightened my writing because of the 140-character limit.
* I’ve improved my understanding of the entire job search process because of the information shared on Twitter by other career people and jobseekers.
* I’ve been exposed to things I would not have taken the time to find on my own in and out of the career realm.
* I received “virtual hugs” from around the world when I had to put my 17-year-old Dachshund to sleep and shared the sad time via Twitter.
* I’ve had tear-wiping laughter because of conversations on Twitter.
* I’ve connected with fellow resume writers on a more personal level.
* I’ve helped and been helped countless times because I answered/asked questions.
* I am uplifted by the positive energy generated by the Twitterverse.
 
“I could go on (and on and on and on and on), but you won’t believe I’ve tightened my writing if I do. )

“As far as privacy, what you put out there is what is seen. Use discretion as to what you are or are not willing to share and you’re in control.
 
“I read (via a Twitter post/link) Twitter is like riding a bicycle. You can’t explain the joy to someone until they do it themselves. They will fall. They will have to figure out balance. They have to work out their methodology, but once they see the wonderfulness, they’ll wonder what took them so long to do it.
 
“I assure you, when you first sign up, you will spend the first two weeks scratching your head trying to figure out what the heck am I doing and why???? You hesitate responding to someone because you don’t know them. Then you’ll get over that fear and start to interact. You’ll find like-minded people. You’ll also find the “famous” are regular people, with a passion for banana splits and chocolate just like you.
 
“At the risk of sounding like a complete sap, my life is enriched because of the time I spend in the Twitterverse.
 
“Here’s a prime example of enhanced relationships. Because Julie Walraven chimed in on this topic as well I’m going to use her. I’ve read Julie’s posts on the PARW list for years, I’ve known of her, recognized her name, but that was about it. Because of Twitter, I now count Julie as a wonderful, giving, generous friend. I know her dog’s name is Teddy. We’ve shared resume writing business information as well as commiserated over the dust bunnies generated by living with dogs. Again, I could give about 10 other examples with others in our industry, but I’ll stop. (I’m bordering on frightening myself with my obsession. I can only imagine what I’m doing to you. LOL) ”
 
Yes. I’m proud to say I am a Twitter addict. You should join me. You’d be amazed at what you’ll learn and the opportunities you’ll find there.

Happy 2010!!